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I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
I’ve learned to use meditation to handle stress. Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....