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You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.