Daily Silly Status

A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.

If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.

I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime

I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.

I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check

I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping

My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)

I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.

We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.

How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?

I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.

Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.

Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.

A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.

I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.