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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
word of the day: nincomtard
My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn`t just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.