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If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers