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Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
My mind has a mind of its own.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
It`s not stalking if you love them!
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.