Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something