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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Black Friday is Americas version of running with the bulls.
I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.