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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
If you tickle me, Iām not responsible for your injuries.
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.