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Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.