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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
I wish common sense was more common.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.