Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they will clean it for free!
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.