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I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.