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From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so I can rest medicine didn´t work. I´m going to try 1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer instead.
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!