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I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.