Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
You`d think this moron wandering around the lot would give up after 10 minutes and push the alarm button to find their car ... But I won`t
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren`t going to see me 7 more times before then.
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
When I die I want someone to play that little death jingle from Mario Bros at my funeral.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.