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You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
Whenever there is an awkward silence try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
If someone doesn’t stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it’s totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
This century is already 15% over.
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.