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Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
My wife and I are dieting now… and by dieting, I mean we’re not telling each other about the junk food we eat.
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.