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Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.