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To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.