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I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time."
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
I like to go on drunk facebook post binges, then claim the next day that someone hacked my account.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.