Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
i feel naked without my mobile !
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
I don`t understand when people say `age is just a number`... Age is clearly a word.
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
Wal-Mart: Because going to Target requires a shower.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?