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If I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
When you`re accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don`t reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago.
“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.
My misery likes tequila, not company.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.