Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
My favorite beer is the 15th one.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?