Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.