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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
I totally tricked this woman into sleeping with me. All I had to do was put a ring on her finger and live with her for the rest of my life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.