Daily Silly Status

I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.

Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.

I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!

Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..

I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!

It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.

The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.

I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.

When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”

I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!

Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.

Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?

Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!