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I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn`t even eat them.
It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
I`m on this great new diet called "sleep through breakfast"
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
If I say sorry I missed you, better look really close the next time you cross the street, I don`t miss twice.
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.