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I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
My mom at night: Good night, sweet dreams I love you. My mom in the morning: Wake the f*ck up you lazy piece of sh!t.
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it`s like...I don`t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
scratch here ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal my status
The awkward moment when you realise you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway.
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.