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I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.