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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!