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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
for every like, I will fart on my wife face