Daily Silly Status

I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.

is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:

I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o

Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.

Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.

Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?

I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.

There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.

I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.

I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.

Apparently members of the Westboro Baptist Church were outside a theater when the marquee gave way and came crashing down injuring several of them amidst their protest. Witnesses overhead many of the members muttering to themselves, "It must be a sign."

Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.

I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.

This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"

I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!