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I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.