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I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.