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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....