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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
Why is that in girls tampon commercials they dance and laugh? Shouldn`t they be revving chainsaws and burning sh!t down?
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
Iām actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.