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Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon"
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps. All by themselves. When I was that age, I was eating silly putty.