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Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.