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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
pudding... thats always a funny word
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
Me: Where can I find the milk? Her: Sir, this is a library. Me: *whispers* Sorry, where can I find the milk?
Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.