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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav