Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug