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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"