Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it`s an intervention.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.
Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.