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We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
I give myself the best presents.
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards