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I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
The filling in this fortune cookies tastes like paper...
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.