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I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin ... I don’t even know what that means, but now I’m hungry.
Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!