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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Email: 8 character min, including 1 upper, 1 lower, 1 number, 1 special character. ATM card: 4 numbers
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
What about a To-Don`t List?
Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life.
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.