Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!