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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.