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I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
I saw that! - Karma
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.