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I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.
Reincarnation is my only hope.