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Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
Seagull Manager; Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everyone and then leaves.
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That`s the last time we`re playing Monopoly.
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.