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If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
Bacon...need I say more
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..