Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.