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I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
I`ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
Marriage is like friends without benefits.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"