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A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I`ve probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
My problem is that all food is comfort food
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.