Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn`t really listening.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P