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Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
I`m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.