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Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
So I was thinking... We should get drunk and make bad decisions.
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have kids as cool as theirs.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"