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superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point