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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
This recliner and I go way back.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.