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I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats! Many of you are about to be grandparents!
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
I always advise people never to give advice.
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
Just saw a commercial for weight gainer pills. Have the people with this "problem" not heard of pizza and alcohol?
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"