Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
The black sheep always have the best stories.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
you know why maths is unhappy? because it got so many problems.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...