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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
Warning: I just get weirder.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.