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Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they`re getting insulted or complimented daily.
GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.
Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.