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I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.