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Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?" Me: "Gravity, Mom."
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
I like people... From a distance.
I think, therefore i`m single.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.