Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.