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We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine`s Day! So I got drunk.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.