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Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
My taste in music ranges from, "You need to listen to this" to "I know, please don`t judge me."
The future is much like the present, only longer.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there`s a millionaire walking around that invented the pool noodle.
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
Being an American is awesome. The end.
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....