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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.