Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
People think I`m a hugger, but I`m actually shaking them down for snacks.