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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)