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After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.
“I’m going to be a little bit late” -people that are going to be very late
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside