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If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch