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You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.