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I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.