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If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
God is creative... I mean look at me??
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
You say you don`t need to drink to have fun. All I`m hearing is designated driver.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
why we do not have a romance class...............