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I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it`s pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?