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Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
The only difference between sex and breakfast is sometimes I don`t want breakfast.
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.