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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist